Planning Issues

Getting Married? Choose your bridal party with care and understanding!

A bride's friendships may suffer if she blunders in choosing her maid of honor and bridesmaids. But, by choosing maids wisely, she can avoid damaging cherished relationships.
A bride may hurt the feelings of her friends (or sisters or cousins) by not choosing them to be part of her wedding party - but, by selecting them, she may be saddling them with a heavy burden.

The friend to whom she offers the position of maid of honor might not wish to plan and fund a bridal shower, with its inherent cost of time and money.

In addition to planning and funding the shower (often with help and funding from the bridesmaids), the maid of honor is expected to give a shower gift, a wedding gift and shell out money for a gown - a gown that she may not like or ever wear again!

The maid of honor and the bridesmaids are also expected to attend the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and, perhaps, other pre-wedding parties. Other obligations often include addressing envelopes, attending shopping expeditions and dress fittings, and assisting the bride with any chores needed on the big day.

Some brides get so caught up in the excitement of planning one of the most important days in their life that they forget that, to the maid of honor and the bridesmaids, the wedding is a less significant day.

A bride should review the costs and inconveniences her maids would incur. If someone she plans to ask to be a maid is unlikely to have the funds to spare, the bride should consider offering to help with the cost of the dress and the shower. If a friend may need to fly into town for a shower or other pre-wedding event, the bride should consider the logistics her friend faces in doing so.

After determining her choices for maids, the bride should ask each friend, privately, whether she wishes to take on the duties involved. The bride should make it clear that she would understand should her friend decline.

In addition to considering cost and time, the bride should choose friendship over aesthetics. No one will remember that one of the bridesmaids was a little taller or tubbier than the usher with whom she was paired; however, a friend will remember that she was overlooked, and that friendship will be damaged forever.

Remember that friendships are for life, while the most elaborate wedding is over in a matter of hours.

by Sandra Rifman
www.bridalshowerplans.com

Recently enacted legislation has paved the way for same sex couples to marry in the State of California. Unlike Massachusetts, which also allows same sex weddings, California allows non-residents to take advantage of this new freedom. This doesn't mean anyone can do it, as you may end up in trouble in your home state. While most states will recognize your union, others will not. There are even two (Wisconsin and Delaware) in which you would be breaking the law. In fact, with the current Wisconsin law, you could be locked up for nine months as well as face a $10,000 fine upon returning home. In almost all states, the new law in California has legislators rushing to define what will happen to those coming home after wedding in California, or elsewhere in the future. It's not just about government interference, either. They simply have to have some sort of policy since marriage or other state approved unions grant hundreds of additional rights to citizens such as the right to adopt, to be present in a hospital, tax breaks, and many more. What does this all mean to the same sex couple looking to head out West to tie the knot. As much as I hate to say this, it means you should probably consult an attorney before making the trip. TahoeWeddings.com features a directory of vendors for Lake Tahoe Gay/Lesbian Weddings. http://www.tahoeweddings.com/gay-weddings.htm